Zombies come in all sizes, shapes, and every shade of rot that you can imagine. Their killers are equally diverse.
You have any idea what I’m talking about?
Have you ever seen an Undead guy (or gal for that matter) who rivets the eye. Come on and admit it. You’re watching a zombie movie, texting away and you glance at your iPad reading up on the latest scoop in People, then glance to the screen to see a slothful corpse chase its victim. Ick. I don’t think your mouth drops, and you say, “Oh wow! You’re hot!”
Maybe you don’t go heads over heels for the Zs, but the fact is that zombie films from the 1970s and 80s gave us monstrous corpses who were rotten to the core – not a shred of beauty anywhere. This changed over the years as makeup artists started to give us zombies with a touch of beauty, then a twist of repulsion.
And what about those guys in charge of killing the zombie horde – the Z Killers? Surly you’ve seen a zombie killer (ZK) who has wowed you and got your heart pumping.
Just like zombies’ external beauty evolving over time; so has their would-be killers combat skills doubled, tripled, quadrupled, no quintupled.
Early films depicted heroes who were mere ordinary people. No combative skills whatsoever. I’ve seen kindergarteners with more ferociousness than those early heroes who were clueless in wielding a butter knife. This changed though over time. Heroes, in short, became badasses. They not only possessed prowess but did feats akin to superhuman acrobatics and were as deft with a blade as a Jedi Knight.
We have come to the convergence of two paths my friends. One path are modern day Zs who are kinda sexy; and then there’s the other path, and there’s the Zs would-be killers.
Allow me to present my combine list of top ten pick for Zombie cuties, and their killers.
TOP 10 Adorable Zs and Their Killers
Actor: Woody Harrelson
Director: Ruben Fleischer
You know, in my mind, Woody Harrelson will always be good ol’ Woody from Cheers, the innocent barkeep. In Zombieland though, he’s a tough-as-nails SOB taking who has no time for the moans or unintelligible grunts.
Adorbale and cuddly Z = Ed
SHAUN OF THE DEAD
Actor: Nick Frost
Director: Edgar Wright
Awww. We all love our English pals, Shaun and Ed. But who can resist Ed – especially Zombie Ed? We laughed with Shaun and Ed as they tore through a group of zombies with a cross paddle. And we cried when Ed turned to a Z.
In the end though, Simon made the best from the cards he was dealt. He kept his best friend chained in the outside shed.
Z Killer & One Part Z = Ash
EVIL DEAD HERO
Actor: Bruce Campbell
Director: Sam Raimi
Our hero, Ash, in Evil Dead unfortunately has a hand that becomes possessed. For some, this might be a problem, but Ash is clever and resolves that issue by sawing his hand off. He is then quite masterful as he bolts a chainsaw onto his arm.
Watch out evil undead dudes – here’s one dude you don’t want to mess with.
Warning: Please keep gas nearby at all times.
Badass Z Killer = Cherry Darling
Actress: Rose McGowan
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Move over Rambo, this lady knows how to use a gun. This gal blasts zombies away in all sort of positions that leave one’s head reeling. I’m taking Yoga, but I”m pretty sure I’ll never be that limber.
Z Killer = Robert Neville
Adorable Z = Lady in Robert’s Closet
I AM LEGEND
Actor: Will Smith
Director: Francis Lawrence
“Who’s the chick on the slab?” … “Oh gosh, really? She’s sort of dead, but not?” … “Wait, she got this virus and she became a darkseeker… Whoa, she’s like a zombie, but maybe like a vampire too?”
I cheat on this one. I combine Z-killer Smith with the cutie Z lying on table, if she is indeed a zombie. I’m really not sure now.
But we all know Will Smith; he’s one guy you want on your side when facing the post-apocalypse.
Adorable Z = Zombie Boy
Featured with Lady Gaga
I realize he’s technically not a zombie, but Zombie Boy from the Lady Gaga video might grab one’s attention. Girls and guy alike are mesmerized by the tattoos covering him, and well, he’s a good dancer too.
Z Killer = Jim
28 DAYS LATER
Actor: Cillian Murphy
Director: Danny Boyle
Cillian Murphy, I have to admit, started out rather pokey and confused. I was hoping his lady friend would keep him safe and sound; he seem like a good guy and I hated to see him get turned into a raging freak.
I was rather shocked when he turned over a new leaf. He not only returned to save his friends, but in the process beat the heck out of the militia dudes.
Z Killer = Ben
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
Actor: Duane Johnson
Director: George A. Romero
Before we had Samuel Jackson, Denzel Washington, Jamie Foxx, or Will Smith… we had Duane Jones.
Jones played Ben in the 1968 Night of the Living Dead. Notably, he was the first black hero portrayed in a zombie film which gets extra points for breaking a barrier. Zombie films up to this point had typically cast black people as the zombie themselves who were slaves to their masters or just ate other people. Duane broke the mold as he became the leader of a group of survivors.
Duane Jones gets my vote for badass ZK.
Spoiler alert – not every hero makes it out alive.
Badgirl Z Killer = Alice
Actress: Milla Jovovich
Director: Paul W. S. Anderson
Two words. Milla Jovovich. Ummm, yeah, Badass with a capital B and we have a heroine.
In Resident Evil, Jovovich has a soft, innocent name of Alice. This is misleading, as she is anything but sweet. Just ask the zombies in her film.
Look, anyone who K.O.s a line of Zombies like they were cardboard cutouts should get a prize. Plus, she took on the Nemesis in Resident Evil 2 (sort of her ex-boyfriend) and man, that was a tragic battle.
Adorable Z = R
Actor: Nicholas Hault
Director: Jonathan Levine
R is a zombie, and my, he is nice looking undead and seems like a nice guy. Kinda shy, but that’s a good thing in my book.
R’s heart not only heats up as he swoons over the cute live human girl, but well, he might have warmed our hearts too.
BRYCE BENTLEY-TALES is a YA author of horror, fantasy and sci-fi. His new book, THE WEREWOLF ON LOWRE FEW LANE will be published by NineStar Press Oct 27, 2018.